TREASURE not Trash
Am I trash?
Would you ever throw me away?
Are you going to forget about me?
Do you love me?
These are only a few of the questions that my precious little brother asks me often. Even though we adopted him from Russia at only one years old, something about that one year in Russia has stuck with him. Now that he is almost 7 (Can you believe it?) he is starting to somewhat process his past. I don't consider him my adopted brother, just my brother, but he is starting to get it. He was not "born" into our family through my mom. Now we all know that He was born into our family in a much cooler way. Cade was born into our family through the hands of God. However, he is just beginning to understand his story . . . and so far he has only grasped that fact that he was abandoned and then adopted. In his precious 6 year old brain he is starting to wonder, "If my biological family forgot about me once, will my family now ever forget me?" Whenever Cade asks me if I will forget about him or throw him away or if I love him, I can't tell him quick enough how silly he is to even think that. My brain goes into emergency mode and I have so many things that I want to say that sometimes I just there. I wonder how my favorite kid in the world could ever question my love for him. He is my treasure. And as I tell him often, you don't throw treasures away. Yes, I'm imperfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes I say things I shouldn't or am not the kind of big sister that I need to be.
But I try.
At least I try. I know I can't do it on my own, but with the help of God every single day I at least try to be the best big sister I can to the most amazing kid I've ever known. I think about how I would give my life to save his. You could put a concrete wall in front of me with Cade on the other side and I would crawl through it with my bare hands to get to my brother. He is my brother. I love him with everything in me. I don't know what I would do without him and I don't dare to think of where I would be if he was not in my life. I physically hurt when he asks me if I will just leave him. My eyes fill with tears when he asks me if I will throw him away. It takes everything in me to resist shouting my love for him to the whole world when he questions it.
Over the past few weeks I have been sending so many prayers to the heavens on Cade's behalf. I wish he could just realize how much he is loved. I'll be honest, in addition to praying, I have really been asking God why Cade cannot just see how treasured he is. The harder I have seeked God, the more desperate I've become. I suddenly began asking God to just show me why Cade has been questioning his worth and value in our family.
God's answer has been painful and real.
God has begun to reveal to me that just as Cade asks if I love him, I ask God if He loves me. How many times have I asked God is He is there? Or if will just leave me? Or if I really mean that much to Him? God has been giving me a glimpse into His pain when we question who He is and what He will do for us. Just as my heart literally hurts when Cade asks if I love him, so does God's when I ask Him if He loves me. He sits there wondering how in the world I could possibly be asking such a question. He sent his only son to die for me. How much more sacrificial can you get? He has done everything for me and continues to do so everyday. God has allowed me to walk in His shoes and feel what He feels on a daily basis. Let me tell you, it really hurts. It is beyond difficult to love someone with everything in you and then them ask you if you will just leave them. Every time Cade asks me if I will throw him away or forget about him, it is like someone stabs my heart. I hate it. But, God uses that pain to bring me to the painful reality that that is what I am doing to Him.
The Creator of the Universe loves you beyond your wildest imagination.
Just think about that for a second.
He literally died for you. My question for you is this: are you trusting that God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do?
Just as Cade is learning to trust that I really do love and treasure him, I am learning to trust that God really loves and treasures me.
Would you ever throw me away?
Are you going to forget about me?
Do you love me?
These are only a few of the questions that my precious little brother asks me often. Even though we adopted him from Russia at only one years old, something about that one year in Russia has stuck with him. Now that he is almost 7 (Can you believe it?) he is starting to somewhat process his past. I don't consider him my adopted brother, just my brother, but he is starting to get it. He was not "born" into our family through my mom. Now we all know that He was born into our family in a much cooler way. Cade was born into our family through the hands of God. However, he is just beginning to understand his story . . . and so far he has only grasped that fact that he was abandoned and then adopted. In his precious 6 year old brain he is starting to wonder, "If my biological family forgot about me once, will my family now ever forget me?" Whenever Cade asks me if I will forget about him or throw him away or if I love him, I can't tell him quick enough how silly he is to even think that. My brain goes into emergency mode and I have so many things that I want to say that sometimes I just there. I wonder how my favorite kid in the world could ever question my love for him. He is my treasure. And as I tell him often, you don't throw treasures away. Yes, I'm imperfect. I make mistakes. Sometimes I say things I shouldn't or am not the kind of big sister that I need to be.
But I try.
At least I try. I know I can't do it on my own, but with the help of God every single day I at least try to be the best big sister I can to the most amazing kid I've ever known. I think about how I would give my life to save his. You could put a concrete wall in front of me with Cade on the other side and I would crawl through it with my bare hands to get to my brother. He is my brother. I love him with everything in me. I don't know what I would do without him and I don't dare to think of where I would be if he was not in my life. I physically hurt when he asks me if I will just leave him. My eyes fill with tears when he asks me if I will throw him away. It takes everything in me to resist shouting my love for him to the whole world when he questions it.
Over the past few weeks I have been sending so many prayers to the heavens on Cade's behalf. I wish he could just realize how much he is loved. I'll be honest, in addition to praying, I have really been asking God why Cade cannot just see how treasured he is. The harder I have seeked God, the more desperate I've become. I suddenly began asking God to just show me why Cade has been questioning his worth and value in our family.
God's answer has been painful and real.
God has begun to reveal to me that just as Cade asks if I love him, I ask God if He loves me. How many times have I asked God is He is there? Or if will just leave me? Or if I really mean that much to Him? God has been giving me a glimpse into His pain when we question who He is and what He will do for us. Just as my heart literally hurts when Cade asks if I love him, so does God's when I ask Him if He loves me. He sits there wondering how in the world I could possibly be asking such a question. He sent his only son to die for me. How much more sacrificial can you get? He has done everything for me and continues to do so everyday. God has allowed me to walk in His shoes and feel what He feels on a daily basis. Let me tell you, it really hurts. It is beyond difficult to love someone with everything in you and then them ask you if you will just leave them. Every time Cade asks me if I will throw him away or forget about him, it is like someone stabs my heart. I hate it. But, God uses that pain to bring me to the painful reality that that is what I am doing to Him.
The Creator of the Universe loves you beyond your wildest imagination.
Just think about that for a second.
He literally died for you. My question for you is this: are you trusting that God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do?
Just as Cade is learning to trust that I really do love and treasure him, I am learning to trust that God really loves and treasures me.
