The Inevitable

Nothing prepares you for this . . . the day your hair frees itself from your scalp. Clump by clump, unnaturally pulling itself against the ways things ought to be. Nothing can ready your heart for this sight.

Since last Tuesday my hair has gradually fallen out more and more each day . . . as if nature is forcing me to accept that everything about my life has utterly changed. Last night I slept in a cap because it was preferable to waking up with my bed covered in hair. As we are so often tempted to do with hard things in life, I was trying to slow down the inevitable. Yet, I woke up to an itchy and sore scalp. I gently pulled off my soft, grey cap to find a matted mess of my red locks squished to the shape of my head. Because of the discomfort I gently proceeded to pull apart the dread lock like clumps of hair. The loose hair seemed as if it was hanging on for dear life and the only way to survive was to create a tangled mess.

Today will forever be the day that most of my hair fell out.

I sobbed. I let myself feel the pain in my chest and the deep sorrow that accompanies a woman losing one of the things she treasures most.

And now I am ok. I'm heartbroken, but ok. God is still good and someday I will have hair again.