Moment by Moment
One step at a time --
that has been the phrase running through my mind endlessly, keeping my soul from edging towards an empty hopelessness. One step at a time. You can do almost anything in life if you break it down into one step, one bite, one moment...
This week marked my second round of chemotherapy, and boy, it was a hard one. It started off ok, but I was more aware of my surroundings than last time because I wasn't on as many pain medications. Yay the tumor is shrinking. At the same time I was almost brutally aware of every prick, prod, rustle, smell. I packed a full backpack of things to "occupy" my six day stay. I didn't touch any of it. This round was filled with more severe nausea and it did't take long for the doctors to prescribe heavier medicine. Suddenly it felt like I woke up and it was Saturday and time to go home. This week was a blur.
Dose off to sleep. Wake up for vitals. Try to eat. Attempt not to throw up. Vitals. Unplug Rodney. Unplug my heart monitor. Bathroom. Plug in Rodney. Plug in heart monitor. Vitals again. Sleep ... you get the picture.
Frustratingly, sleep didn't block out a gnawing, sinking feeling that seemed to scream, "If this is only round 2, just wait for round 5 or 6. And you thought it was bad last time." I cried a lot this week because I felt like a helpless fawn stranded on a tall, treacherous cliff with wobbly, frail legs. Every turn seemed unsure and unsteady. I kept telling myself, "One step at a time. Don't look down. Don't fall. Just put one foot in front of the other." Mentality, this infusion was different. Some days it looked like getting to the bathroom and back. Other times it was simply the effort to sit up in bed to get my vitals checked.
Someone drew my attention to a portion from the devotional Jesus Calling in a recent card. It wrote, "Keep walking with me, along the path I have chosen for you. The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak. Some days you will dance light footed on the high peaks, but for now your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to my hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend."
This particular section stood out to me because it reinforces the fact that life is a step-by-step process.
Now, I am home and although I feel weak and tired, I completed chemo round 2!! I'm 1/3 of the way through with my treatment and that is encouraging! Even though my bones ache from today's Nulasta shot, I am choosing to thank Jesus for the ache because it means my white blood cells are healing. I can do this, little by little.
The more I ponder Christianity and life in general, I wonder if this is how we were created to live. In His presence, in His strength, moment by moment and one step at a time.
that has been the phrase running through my mind endlessly, keeping my soul from edging towards an empty hopelessness. One step at a time. You can do almost anything in life if you break it down into one step, one bite, one moment...
This week marked my second round of chemotherapy, and boy, it was a hard one. It started off ok, but I was more aware of my surroundings than last time because I wasn't on as many pain medications. Yay the tumor is shrinking. At the same time I was almost brutally aware of every prick, prod, rustle, smell. I packed a full backpack of things to "occupy" my six day stay. I didn't touch any of it. This round was filled with more severe nausea and it did't take long for the doctors to prescribe heavier medicine. Suddenly it felt like I woke up and it was Saturday and time to go home. This week was a blur.
Dose off to sleep. Wake up for vitals. Try to eat. Attempt not to throw up. Vitals. Unplug Rodney. Unplug my heart monitor. Bathroom. Plug in Rodney. Plug in heart monitor. Vitals again. Sleep ... you get the picture.
Frustratingly, sleep didn't block out a gnawing, sinking feeling that seemed to scream, "If this is only round 2, just wait for round 5 or 6. And you thought it was bad last time." I cried a lot this week because I felt like a helpless fawn stranded on a tall, treacherous cliff with wobbly, frail legs. Every turn seemed unsure and unsteady. I kept telling myself, "One step at a time. Don't look down. Don't fall. Just put one foot in front of the other." Mentality, this infusion was different. Some days it looked like getting to the bathroom and back. Other times it was simply the effort to sit up in bed to get my vitals checked.
Someone drew my attention to a portion from the devotional Jesus Calling in a recent card. It wrote, "Keep walking with me, along the path I have chosen for you. The journey is arduous at times, and you are weak. Some days you will dance light footed on the high peaks, but for now your walk is often plodding and heavy. All I require of you is to take the next step, clinging to my hand for strength and direction. Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparkling surprises just around the bend."
This particular section stood out to me because it reinforces the fact that life is a step-by-step process.
Now, I am home and although I feel weak and tired, I completed chemo round 2!! I'm 1/3 of the way through with my treatment and that is encouraging! Even though my bones ache from today's Nulasta shot, I am choosing to thank Jesus for the ache because it means my white blood cells are healing. I can do this, little by little.
The more I ponder Christianity and life in general, I wonder if this is how we were created to live. In His presence, in His strength, moment by moment and one step at a time.
